Mulch vs. Rocks - The Great Landscape Debate

I tend to be very outspoken when gardeners ask my opinion on whether they should use mulch on soil or rock with landscape fabric when creating or redesigning garden areas. Instead of yelling "NO ROCKS!!! STAY AWAY FROM THE ROCKS! NEVER USE ROCKS LIKE THAT!!! DOOM ON YOU! DOOM ON YOU!" I try to calmly point out the pros and cons of each and let the questioner come to their own decision, but I admit that I can be rather theatrical when pointing out rock cons.

ROCKS - Pros

*Rocks are cool (but not in the temperature way).
*They never need replaced.
*You can get everything from white marble chips to tumbled river rock to pea gravel to lava rock.
*They are successful at keeping the moisture in the ground during dry spells.
*For the first year or two, rocks used in conjunction with landscape fabric will be weed-free.

MULCH - Pros

*Mulch breaks down, and therefore adds nutrients (especially much-needed nitrogen) to the soil.
*You can get mulch in many colors, sizes (chips to nuggets), and wood types.
*Mulch keeps the moisture in the ground.
*A proper layer of mulch will keep the garden weed free.
*It does NOT attract termites contrary to the rumors. If you read up on that, do an advanced google search using the domain .edu or go to uiuc.edu.
*If you have a garden walk or guests coming over just throw a sprinkling of mulch on the beds to make them look freshly groomed and remarkable.
*Mulch bags are easily handled. Even when wet, I can carry two bags of mulch.
*You can get mulch in bulk.
*Phone or Electric services will occasionally offer mulch for free when they are cleaning lines in the area. (Note - I have a huge mountain of wood chips in my front yard, behind some bushes so that no one can see it, that I will be spreading on my gardens this year. ALWAYS age fresh wood chips at least one year before spreading it on your gardens. If you sit on it long enough, it turns into a beautiful and nitrogen-rich compost.)

MULCH - Cons

*Mulch must be replaced each year. The first application should be approximately 4" thick (not touching the stems of the plants, however). Subsequent years require only a top dressing of mulch to make it look good and work properly.
*If you leave a bag of mulch sitting at the edge of the garden and forget about it, a baby garter snake may take up residence inside the bag and scare the s*** out of you when you open it up a few weeks later. Yes, I'm speaking from experience here. No harm was done to the snake, but I ruined a good pair of shorts that day!)
*Unless you spread Preen over the freshly mulched area, you can still have the occasional weed pop up.

ROCKS - Cons
*Dust particles are everywhere. They land in the cracks between the rocks and create tiny pockets of soil. Weeds LOVE to germinate here. You won't notice this for the first year or two, but after that it's all downhill.
*If you have rocks and landscape fabric, it's next to impossible to plant NEW perennials or annuals in that bed. You're stuck with what you have.
*Removing rocks from an area is a back-breaking, time consuming experience.
*Disposal of the aforementioned rock is difficult, unless you'd like to bring it over to me and drop it into my rut-filled driveway. Please.
*Rocks add absolutely nothing to the soil. Soil breaks down because plants use the nutrients, so you must use a liquid fertilizer to spot-treat if you want good blooms, root systems, etc.
*Face it...rocks are heavy. You can get a truck load delivered, but be prepared to have Ben Gay applications for days after distributing the rock. You'd better be in pretty good physical condition to shovel those babies around.
*Bags of rock are available, but ditto on the heavy part.
*Bags of rock also tend to rip. It's a pain in the patoot trying to clean up the spill when it happens on the lawn.
*Rocks soak up the heat from the sun. This can be good in the spring, but deadly in the summer and during breaks in the weather in the winter months. (Heating the soil causes plants to heave, which is one of the leading causes of plant loss.)
*If kids play in the rocks and happen to throw them onto the lawn, and you happen to run over them with the mower, the rocks can cause great damage to windows, the skirting around a trailer, or the eye of your pet dog...again, speaking from experience.
*If you use too many rocks, you'll cause the Earth to go off of its axis and we will all die. Okay, that's where I tend to get a little theatrical.

I love to see rock WALLS, or decorative boulders strategically scattered around for the zen aspect, or even football-size rocks used as a border around a bed. Rock Gardens are beautiful, but there is a combination of boulders of various sizes, as well as pea gravel, for this special garden.

Rocks DO have their place in the garden, but, in my opinion, they shouldn't be used as mulch.

I'll get off my high-horse now!
shel