Critters in the Gardens

Our bi-level home, in dire need of remodeling, is located on a wee bit more than two acres in the middle of nowhere. Directly behind our little slice of heaven is 75 acres of virgin lumber, which connects to the region’s state recreation area (how that differs from a state park, I’ll never know.) Each side of the property is crowded with shag bark hickories, a few varieties of oak trees, yummy sassafras, and the world’s largest supply of poison ivy.

Critters of all make and models occupy the woods around our house. Once when I was spreading mulch in the Welcome Garden (all gardens have names…this one is by the driveway, near the road, and is decorated with a small pineapple statue. I read somewhere that the pineapple is a welcome symbol.) I felt as if I was being watched. There, at the edge of the woods, sat rather shaggy red fox. It looked at me with a nonchalant eye, then trotted across the driveway and to the woods on the other side. It was probably on its way to tell the rest of the woodland creatures about the goofy human with her butt up in the air.

Deer sightings are a daily occurrence. On the sunny Saturday day that I held my daughter’s high school graduation party, the kids were thrilled to see a doe walking up the driveway. She was headed toward the Hosta patch, and I could swear that she had drool halfway to the ground. You could read it in her eyes…this deer was hungry, and ‘Tattoo’ and ‘Strip Tease’ were on the menu! The kids laughed hysterically as I grabbed the gold paper party horn from the table and flew out the front door, blowing an obnoxious "BLAAAAAATTTT!" and scaring the poop out of Bambi’s mother.

Yesterday, while conducting a quick garden tour, I noticed that all of the buds were chewed off of the top of my ‘Pompon’ (a full, peachy beauty) daylily, as well as most of the other daylilies and the ‘Blushing Bride’ hydrangea. I have a feeling that the fat and happy doe was lurking in the undergrowth, glowing with the sweet taste of revenge. Touché, Mrs. Bambi….you win this round.
You’d think that with our two extra-large Siberian huskies (the female is so wide she can be used for a coffee table) the rabbits would avoid our yard, but NOOOOO. The bunnies have ascertained that when the dogs are in their kennel, they have run of the back yard, where the most delicious and expensive plants are kept. Sometimes I hear the dogs howling in their wolf-like voices and I imagine that the rabbits are parading in front of the kennel, thumbing their noses and wiggling their evil little cotton tails so that they can work up a big appetite. I’ve found a portion of latticework along the deck that has a rabbit-size hole chewed into it. They are probably quietly plotting to take over the world, one garden at a time, starting with mine. Remember when they do that you heard it here first…move over, Sylvia Brown!
Snakes are almost as plentiful as ants, or so it seems. This region is supposedly free of poison snakes, but we have found copperheads in the yard near the koi pond. The vast majority of the snakes are actually the good guys…garter snakes, bull snakes, and the occasional unidentified serpent. They keep the rodent population in check, so they are welcome here anytime. I just prefer that they would have a bicycle flag attached to their backs so that I’m not so surprised when I stumble upon one. My pants would stay dryer that way.

The bane of my existence is the dreaded Japanese Beetles. These coppery green voracious eaters devour anything that is slower than they are. This includes marigolds and rhubarb, which are supposed to be unappetizing to the cursed beetles. As a Master Gardener I have had extensive training on how to deal with the pests. (Hand pick the beetles and drop them into a jar of soapy water or use a product like Sevin to spray plants that are expensive or important to me, etc.) Instead I am tempted to use flame-throwers or nuclear weapons to eradicate the demons. In my deepest, darkest fantasies the Japanese Beetles morph until they will only eat poison ivy. Perhaps the entomologists of the world can work on that.

Coyotes, stray dogs and feral cats, bats, tons of birds, and moles also share our space. Rumor has it that there are wildcats and mountain lions as well, but I’ve never seen any of them. As long as they leave my gardens alone, and forget about eating the family pets, we can cohabitate in peace.
Housework and remodeling can wait for a rainy day. While the sun is shining, I’ll spend all of my time in the yard, working in the gardens and watching the critters that come to visit.